Tuesday, September 30, 2008

martini kiss

Theres poison in my drinking glass
Don't stop just sip it down
And in a swirling masquerade of sound
My body hits the ground
I'm beautiful when I'm asleep,
martini kisses land
on my blistered bloody scarlet lips
the bottles in my hand.
Burn out not fade away.


i don't like having friends.

i hope that doesn't offend anyone.
i'm sure it will.
but if you knew how it felt you'd probably agree.

see, i had these two best friends one time - we would do everything together. one day, one of them stopped talking to me for no reason. nope, none at all. she won't contact me and thus i will not contact her as it is unnecessary for me to grovel, as such. this other girl continued to keep in contact with me. so much that we planned to go to a certain place on a certain day.. only for me to find out that this plan had changed and the re-arrangement saw me not invited. no, i wasn't uninvited, i was pretty much forgotten. that's how much of a great friend she is. a text message is recieved from a similar friend and it turns out that she is with this other friend. no problem there at all, however me not being there, in that certain place has made me feel totally left out and wondering whether i should give up on friendship.
the end.

oh but for those of you at elisha's party last night, thanks i had a great time. i hate the fact that i was too attached to my hiptop though.

and i'm really confused about how to have my party, or whether to slash it altogether. i'd be really disappointed to slash it but if people are still going to be shit then i don't want to have a lame party, it would be better to have none at all.
fuck i wish i was home-schooled.

ugh, i'm supposedly meant to find this super old hair straightener that i usually take on camps and such.. it's not in my room anywhere so mum was bitching to my sister about me right outside my fucking door, yeah THANKS. apparently if i dont find it my sister is allowed to take my good one to the coast with her tomorrow.. uh yeah cause she's going to use it and all, i mean the other morning she woke me up so she could get me to straighten her hair before her friend came over. plus she'll be at a hotel two minutes from the beach so she'll be there, especially seeing as she's with my cousins and family. so she wont be needing it! it's called EMBRACE THE SEAAAA!

what else can i whine about. oh, i know, everyone loves whining about boys!! well, at least i do. i'm over falling for them. that's about all i can think of.. im not turning lesbian ffs.

Sunday, September 28, 2008


happy birthday to my dear friend elisha!
she is now legal for a number of things..

love you elisha! :)

c'est intéressant

je ne comprends pas comment je peux chute pour quelqu'un dans tels une quantité courte de temps.. il est un intense sentiment haha! c'est une honte qu'il n'habite pas à Brisbane :( il est fou que nous ayons tellement en commun..

la chanson que nous appelons nôtres est 'make tonight' par emanuel. phwoar! il peut plus que probablement soyez considéré comme a sexuel chanson ;)

*giggles* bonne nuit (:

Saturday, September 27, 2008


i just made the bases for my invitations for my birthday party. fair sure i don't know who to invite though.. mum doesn't want me to have too many people to come.. plus apparently i'm not allowed to have people sleepover after but hopefully she'll let me have a few people stay over. i'm really happy with how they've turned out so far.. just have to figure out how to get the writing onto them!!

note: there's only 21 of them, so don't feel shit if you're not invited lol


i don't know what's going on at the moment. i know no one wants to know this, but i puked this morning for no reason. it just happened. i haven't eaten that much for 30 hours(+), i mean, maybe that could be part of the cause, although this shouldn't matter because i've had water and haven't felt the need to stomach anything..

so what's been happening since thursday.. well thursday night bree and i went to the cinema to see 'wildchild'. i must say, the only other person i would have gotten away with seeing that movie with is elisha :P before the film, we decided to get some dinner at subway. my luck, they had no veggie patties. so i had salad on bread :/ lucky the bread they have there is good!

anyway, the movie wasn't too bad i suppose. such a tween movie though haha. we got home around 9.30pm and stayed up listening to music and watching blink 182 video clips. 11pm came and we were hungry.. so basically we checked the fridge, pantry, etc and found nothing edible. the idea of ordering pizza came about but the coupons bree had were expired so we called matt k and he agreed to drive out to collingwood park with the pizza (which we were going to order online - wooo!). seeing as i'm vegetarian we chose to make our own pizza which ended up being mozzarella cheese, fresh tomatoes, oregano and black olives. bree felt like getting some fudge too so she ordered that (obviously, why else would i mention it).

matt rocked up around 11.40 and so we crept out of bree's house and sat on her driveway with matt eating pizza. turns out they put garlic on it which wasn't the most pleasant thing to have when you're a little tired, but we continued eating anyway. we talked about so much crap, so much that i don't even remember any of it haha. i know that when bree was away we talked about school and how annoying it is.. but yeah, one of the times when bree returned she picked up a piece of pizza and had it really close to her face, matt pounced up and flipped it into her face. classssicccc!!! it was like, ohey pizza face XD

matt couldn't find his keys. anywhere. not in his jeans, his hoodie, wallet... so we checked his ignition and sure enough they were in there. and the car was locked. bree had to sneak him in (luckily she has a spare room right next to hers!). she wrote a letter for her mother (who by this time had already had noticed that we were eating pizza on the driveway haha) and stuck it to her doorhandle so she'd have to find it.

but that didn't end the havoc. bree and matt spent a number of hours looking up hxc videos haha, such as 2girls1cup, 2girls1finger, goatse, meatspin, pain olympics etc (google them if you must haha..) whilst i read trashy magazines found under bree's bed and texting brenden. basically we eventually turned the lights off at 4am-ish.. only for matt to knock on the door and come in to bree's room at 8am to say goodbye haha. no excuse to get out of bed (although bree went outside to say hi/bye to isaac and say bye to matt). we didn't get out of bed until about 10.30am :) then proceeded to play wii - mario party 8, cooking mama (this game is sooo crazy!!) and guitar hero III :) bree basically wooped my arse at all of these games but oh well!

mum eventually came to pick me up at 1pm-ish and drove me home where i slept, finished tidying my room and then got ready to work by 4.30pm for a 5pm start. work went really quickly! i put my cobra starship cd into the cd player so we had good music ;) bob was pretty grossed out that i had stretched my ears up a size and then i proceeded to tell him how bad they're going to smell if i stretch them any more (yeah, my 4mm is already starting to smell lulzzz).

so on the way home i was notified that my sisters friend aussia was going to be over. i was shocked, seriously. victoria has had tonsilitus so why the fuck would you want to see her for if she's sick. anyway, she supposedly left at like 10.30pm but i think victoria snuck her into her room last night to sleep, which i think is fucking crazy for victoria because she's supposedly 'little miss innocent'.. the way i could tell is that all of the lights were off and yet i could still hear someone at the back veranda and the door opening/closing. plus when i woke up at 9.30am i could hear both of them. so if mum doesn't know i'm going to tell because i feel like being a bitch at the moment haha..

uhm, basically i feel like i need a d&m and i haven't had anyone to do that with lately because holidays have drifted me from elisha, nat and maddie and bree wasn't exactly in the right mindset last night.. and i can't exactly do it at elisha's party because i don't want to take someone away from the fun of it all. topic: boys.

i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing this weekend. i kept it free just in case i would have work this morning or a gig tonight.. but neither have come up. so i'm thinking i'll ask if timothy wants to see me (although lately - well, since wednesday night - he has been acting weird).

agenda for this week, however is pretty eventful
monday: elisha's birthday party - sleepover :)
tuesday: leaving elisha's
wednesday: meeting at work 5 - 9
thursday: work 5 - 9 (although i have an appointment at 4pm so i think i might be starting at 6 instead)
friday: work 9 - 2, SHORT STACK (L), sophie's birthday party - sleepover :)
saturday: leaving sophie's, coolangatta

let's not go back to school? thanks.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

until someone moves

This is just a test to see if the email application works ;)
If the image uploads, it's a Minkpink skirt that I'm really liking at
the moment. hopefully when I look through mother's patterns on the
weekend I will find one for a skirt with buttons at the front. I'd love
to claim this as my Spring style!

Say Anything

When I like you, it's total revenge. I want to, but I can pretend, that I don't need to be by your side again. Wrap me up, in a plastic case, pat me down, with your warm embrace, I wanna know where you lay your face at night, for all these years. You're a problem, that I can't abide, I could sleep well, if only I tried, but I stay up and dream as a bride to be, oh me, oh my. Give it up, I can't wait no more. I am stuck on your bedroom floor. With the thought, that I may not be, as great as those who came before. There's a man assigned to me, and he checks on my stability. We discuss you every week. Then I rinse and rinse, repeat. But maybe, I can show you, Baby, Maybe, I can relax for good, Whoa baby, I can show you, Maybe, Baby.

There's a man assigned to me, and he checks on my stability, we discuss you every week, then I rinse and rinse, repeat. And he charges by the tear, til I weep no more strictly out of fear, that I can't afford your love, and the moon just burns above.

om nom nom

haha, i love nom nom pictures XD

ohhh i think i'd really like to try this (the stockings). perhaps for my birthday party... *ponders*

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

10.45 amsterdam conversation

so i admit, i've totally neglected this blog for the past few days. i suppose i've felt my life not worthy enough of reading. this is definately partly true haha.
sunday was spent with natalie. we went to the hive and saw chloe turner, the sleepers and the mission in motion play.. one of the guys from the mission in motion sat on natalie.. i giggled a fair bit at that haha. plus he was a little cute and had a great sydney accent! (according to matt everyone sounds the same, but we all know that's not true hahah <3). anyway, after the hive we went through the city and found this really amazing abandoned warehouse :) we went around the back and had a look.. we made it inside but we couldn't get up the stairs because the only way to get to them was either through a locked door or walking across this dodgy plank of wood ><

after that we went around the back of skinny's music and found a really nice graffiti spot which kind of mirrored the twin tower/september 11 incident.

we then travelled across the bridge (bad idea, next time we are sooo taking the bus!) but thankfully the next location was really close to the cultural centre. it was pretty much a chalk board that any one can write on and a bunch of printed images of cassettes.

after that we had a slushy - mistake on having a large, it was soooo sweet! haha - and nat was totally going to go on one of those bungee jumper things at south bank and i was soooo rooting for her to go on it but she chickened out ;) (not really, but it sounds better than couldnt be bothered haha). so we parted ways after that because i was fair exhausted!! note about the photographs, the ones of natalie are taken by me and the ones of me are taken by natalie :) ohhh, and i'll upload more another time because the uploader is just taking forever!

monday we (elisha, nat, maddie and i - wow, way to add two people hayleigh - yeah i know) were meant to have a night out then eventually end up at nats place.. but mum noticed i was really exhausted still from sunday so she didn't let me out. waste of a day.
tuesday, another waste of a day. no joke.

and so we come to today. first off, a big happy 16th birthday to sophie :) can't wait to celebrate it with her next friday!! she's in melbourne at the moment (totally jealous) but judging by her blog [link!!] she seems to be really enjoying herself! ALSO a massive happy 18th birthday to my darling lani jane.. i cant believe she's 18 :O
so i slept in real good today. well, could have been better i suppose because i was still tired when i woke up.. but that would be because of the super amazing soundwave announcement at midnight!! super happy with the results.. anberlin, alkaline trio, say anything, new found glory, from first to last and i am the avalance to name a few! so i stayed up until 2am.. no idea why, just couldn't be bothered sleeping haha..
i then went to dfo with mother to buy some new clothes and hopefully something for elisha's birthday party! when we got there i ran into tim, kirsten and declan which was fair nice, a little awkward but it was good to see them.. later i also ran into sally which was sweet because i hardly ever see her! so anyway, in this random store i found a really sweet cotton dress that goes to my knees and got mum to purchase it for me :) can't wait to wear it!! i won't post any pictures of it because i want it to be a suprise. i haven't decided what shoes to wear with it though, i'm thinking just my boots because im not the best with heels and i know i'll want to be comfortable haha.
after that i really wanted to go out tonight because i wasnt in the best mood when i got home for some reason. so timothy and i made plans after he saw that i was wanting to hang out with someone (via my msn name haha). ok, first off, there's a fair bit of a story behind this boy, i'm not going to go into detail because it's not so necessary for everyone to know.. but yeah we met up at around 7.30pm and walked around the city the whole night haha, we didn't really do much else. i gave him some $$ for some cigarettes and to get into rosies tonight. he looked really good, i have definately missed hanging with him (even if he was in a bit of a grumpy mood tonight..). hopefully i'll be seeing him again before the week is out. his 21st birthday is next thursday :)

not much else is news, i'm hoping to be out of the house tomorrow night because i'm not so happy with what has been happening at home lately.. so i think i might be going over to bree's for a sleepover!

well, i think that's definately a catch-up and a half.
bonne nuit.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


i went up a size in my stretchers :) so now i am on 3mm in my left and 4mm in my right. it hurt a little and now is only stinging a little. biggest problem however is that i now have to buy bigger stretchers hehe. can't wait to be able to put plugs or tunnels in..

i thought i'd chuck in this picture for lulz ;)

ps: omfg, on episode 16 of gossip girl, titled 'all about my brother', i sooo didn't pick that eric was the mystery guy that asher, jenny's supposed boyfriend, kissed on the corner. WOAH! XD

Call me sentimental

"Looks like it's just you and me. Apparently my room's available."
Chuck Bass is a dreammmmmm.

Well, it's holidays. Haven't necessarily had the best start to them seeing as yesterday I went straight home after my French oral then had work 5pm till 9pm and work again this morning 9am till midday. Tonight will mark the beginning of it, hopefully. I still have not decided what to wear. Sharla suggested that I should still wear my TWLOHA shirt but seeing as it's XXL to wear tights and shorts underneath and pin the sleeves up. Then I think I'll just wear my heart glasses for part of the night. I really wish I could dress up for it but I've figured out that I have nothing to dress up with.

We now have a new fridge. It's amazing :) It's one of those double door ones. There's no ice crusher but I suppose I can deal with that haha. So in between waiting for the new fridge to work and from when I got home we had to figure out what to do with the food - take it all downstairs to the old fridge. Great, right? Well, I got the (un)lucky job of taking the crispers downstairs and you know what was on top of one of them? Crocodile. Yes, CROCODILE MEAT. What the fuck. Why must my father be so insensitive to bring that home from the butchers just because he got it for free because the guys at the butchers said he should try it. Argh, that made me so mad. I cried for like, 20 minutes then went and sat in Victoria's room to whine to her.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Wednesday, September 17, 2008



the church channel

i wake up in a room and realize i’m insane again, this is the fifth time straight in a year i’ve ended up in here eating p.b.j’s and watching the church channel nightly. i didn’t mind what i did. i fell behind on my nightly four-course meal of rainbow pills and now i’m wondering what is fake and what is real but who’s that ghost who keeps walking by my door, i’ve never seen a girl look so good in thick-rimmed glasses before and i feel her gaze on me during sleeping hours and when i shower they let us play with markers but i keep trying to draw infinity and i read the bible to pass the time but one day out of nowhere, she sits down and looks over my shoulder, i’m shaking harder then i’ve ever shook before. she sings: "woah, do you remember me? is your mind that worn? we both were born to be one with that which the public scorns. though you were forlorn in despair with your drugs and your hardcore porn trust me, those days won’t be mourned. so lay your head on me.”
so lay your head onto me.


it's almost depressing that i have done a little amount of photography as of late. i never get out like i used to or i end up going somewhere unsuitable for my DSLR. i miss whipping it out and being like CLICKCLICKCLICK. it was a time of perfection and avoidance of the competition out there. sunday shall fill that gap when i take to the streets with nat and go photoshooting. also, we're going to see the mission in motion at the hive which will be fairly enjoyable as i have not seen the band perform live before! very excited about that.

well, the holidays are soon. as in, real soon. all that stands in my way is 300 words of my art analysis, an extended essay session, the printing of my theory of knowledge speech and a small french oral. i should also probably find my swipe card..

oh! and it's my uncles 60th birthday party on saturday night which i'm really looking forward to. the theme is love, but i haven't decided if i want to wear my skinnys and my twloha shirt or dress up fair nice. either way, it's going to be really nice. i love my uncles house at night, especially when there are many people there.

as you leave me please would you close the door.


i hate this feeling. loneliness. wishing you were with someone you can't exactly have. with ridiculous restrictions and a heart to match. and why must it be so hard to recognize if they have feelings for you. what am i to him? i wish he would come visit me so i don't have to send him a silly little message telling him that i have feelings for him..

okay no i'm really concerned. as much as i try not to be into the whole 'fortune cookie' stuff.. mine was pretty interesting today: "love was not put in your heart to stay, love is not love until you give it away".

best thing to wake up to


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

frankly my dear, i dont give a damn

so last night, i was sleeping (wow, no, really?) and suddenly my phone vibrated (11.30pm) on my bedside table. it was brenden. what a wakeup haha. so pretty much we had a 30 minute conversation (telephone, yes). which was pretty fun, it's great talking to him. silly adelaide has daylight savings though - actually it should be silly brisbane for not having daylight savings but we'll leave that out ;) - so he thought he called me at 11pm ><

this morning i woke up just before 9am. i seem to have a habit of waking up a little earlier than intended. my alarm clock has been out of it's job lately! so i got ready. i had no idea what to wear. i felt like being girly, but nothing shocking. so i settled on a pink boobtube with a white short sleeved jacket and skinnys. i didn't leave home until 11am - not that that wasn't the original time planned, just saying. fast forward boring train ride and lame bus ride. and then i was at chermside with lewis :) not going to go overly into detail for all of you jealous kids (haha), but we had a nice sumosalad lunch then decided to go see hellboy at the movies. it was a really nice day!

then i was called into work just after. but that was fun. i was in a really good mood and so was stacey and sharla. sharla took me shopping at woolworths haha, which was entertaining.

however between chermside and work i had to put up with many annoying people. on the bus i had three different people sit next to me. the third person was the worst. he was this annoying foreign person who had friends sitting in the other seats and he kept on trying to get closer, it was like FUCK OFF >< ! and even when there were spare seats he didn't move. so i got off a stop early and walked because i couldn't put up with him. so on the train there were some really annoying high school kids. ugh, i hate highschool kids. pretty hypocritical, but when you join the academy you realise how annoying and immature they are.

and now i'm home, really wanting to sleep. but i can't manage to get myself to calm down. ugh, dinner was lame too haha. it was stirfry but mum bought me tofu the other day (saturday) and i tried it alone and it tasted like rubber, so she figured it would taste ok in a stirfry with vegetables and hokien noodles. wrong. but really, it's not like i'm hyper or anything, i just really don't feel like sleeping. my head feels really heavy. like, stressed heavy. and yet i have no need to be stressed. not happy about this..

can't wait until the holidays. i'm particularly looking forward to doing photoshoots with natalie.. i'm so in the mood for a session!!

clarity, please speak to me.

Monday, September 15, 2008


it feels as though it hasn't rained in a very long time. i hope it rains in the holidays.. just so i can have an excuse of 'it's raining, we can't hang', then i can sleep in and watch movies with shadow.. and i think if this happens i will definately unfold the couch-bed and maybe fall asleep at some stage.

well, the holidays are really quite 'on my doorstep'. the only assessment i have leftt is a french oral and then i also need to hand in my theory of knowledge adjudication speech. tomorrow on the train i think i will make a holiday list/diary. there's so many things that i want to get done and so many people i want to make time for that planning is probably the best thing to do even though i've never really done well at such a thing. i found my 'pocket' diary today. it's as bad as one of those gameboy pockets from the early 1990's (yes kids, there were consoles before wii's and psp's). so for those without the knowledge, it will not fit into a person's pocket unless they were wearing those big goth pants or big pocketed cargo pants. as if a mass diary is going to fit into the pocket of a pair of skinnys? the only thing that goes in my pocket is my sidekick when necessary.

one big plan for the holidays is spending mothers money. i need new clothes. real fast. no joke. i realised on friday night that i have nothing overly fashionable other than skinny jeans and two front-buttoned skirts. i wish i was more handy with a sewing machine.. mother has a large number of patterns which i could so make if i had of taken home economics (oh wait, that's not a subject at my school!). either way, she's decided that she feels sorry for me and that she will take me shopping. also, she's going to help me alter most of my band shirts so that they're not so ordinary.

gossip girl won't download fast enough :(


change of plans. lunch with lewis tomorrow at chermside.


two days

to do anything.
tomorrow - sleep in, do something that was due today (won't say because a number people who read this will be shocked and want to tell the person it concerns haha) - if i get it done i'll hand it in and then i'll go to the botanic gardens for a bit, perhaps.
wednesday - beaching with bree and huong.

can't wait :)
then there's only two more days left consisting of a mega lame extended essay talk which takes an hour and a half.. then on friday i have a 5 minute french oral.

it's so warm lately. hello spring!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

gossip girl

ok, so i thought i was clear for the night to finish my art.. but i decided to search for gossip girl and have officially watched the first episode of season/series 1. it's perfect.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


i haven't had tea from the tea bar in so long. pawan reminded me how good it was (he was mentioning that he was going there tomorrow). and he made me realise how much i miss skateboarding.

last night was pretty fun. i spent the night with bree and tom at the 'nights outside' event at qpac, south brisbane. tenille, emma and two of their friends were there too, so we walked around for a bit by the river with them before (we were hoping repeat offender) the frets played. they were fair good :) like a mix of the kooks and the fratellis! anyway, they finished at 10pm - that was the time repeat offender were meant to start playing.. so we waited until about 25 past but decided to leave so that we could make the 10.27 333 bus and get home around 11pm.

it was so good to see bree again and hang out with her properly! haven't done that for a very long time.. pretty sure we're going to go to the beach together on wednesday and hopefully huong will come also!

oh mannn, say anything are such an amazing band :) favourite bands at the moment would definately be say anything, bright eyes and delamare.
best lyrics hahahaha: I called her on the phone and she touched herself. She touched herself. She touched herself. I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep.

ugh, so the family isn't vegetarian (as in, the WHOLE family, not just mum dad and vicky..) and we're going to a park for bree's birthday.. so i'm assuming it will be a barbeque. with meat. and no veg stuff... mum's probably too ashamed to bring some veg sausages for me because then all the family will question her and be like :O not eating meat? blasphemy! lol, meat eaters suck!

off to eat dirt. bye.

Friday, September 12, 2008


i don't know where to start. my mind is really slow right now, it's like when you're on an aeroplane and for a number of hours you're left there looking on the life outside of the shuttle. for the first time, i was stood up. yes, this happened today. i don't really want to speak about it, but i didn't have my hopes up anyway.

so the sweet busker gave me a big smile on the way to the central station platform. he was singing pete murray songs. i gave him a grin back, embarrassment -_-

so i'm thinking of going to the valley fiesta tomorrow night, by myself. well, that's if bree doesn't come along. pawan will be there anyway :) i think i'll take my SLR too.

anyway, im off to bed.
au revoir!

its early hours

but my plans are:
not much of a sleep in
school for a bit
city to see someone special (L)

should be alright, i hope :)

Thursday, September 11, 2008


ps: happy birthday bree (L)


"oh well i cant wait to see your next report card"
thanks mum, if you think that's going to encourage me to try harder and study, it won't. if anything i'm not going to do what you want me to do because i want to know why the fuck it matters. i know i'm not the perfect child, ok? i don't give a fuck if you want me to be, but you know what? if i get all cs/5s in my IB exams, then you can be happy because i'll end up with an ok IB score which will be equivalent to a good OP score. get over, i don't want to be your precious girl anymore.

nat, if you read this, i think what we spoke about this afternoon will happen. maybe, depends if we just go to the city or if we go to his place.

ugh, i wish i had a day off tomorrow, but i have to finish writing stuff for maddie, elisha and my film.

on a positive note.. amber calling tour dates for brisbane have been posted today, and i couldn't be happier (on other sides of things, ha). these dates will be at the end of my next exam block, so that will ease my mind!

Nov 28th
(w/ Ellington
& Click on Colour) (AA)
Brisbane, Qld

Nov 29th
(w/ Ellington
& Click on Colour) (AA)
Brisbane, Qld

no apologies

andrew vanwyngarden (L)

im sorry that im not happy at the moment. i wish that i was, but some things just take more that a hug from a friend. i don't know what to say. i'm sick of the pressure from everyone. there's so much on my mind at the moment and i can't wait for next friday to be over. fuck, seriously, no, im over this.

ohhh, and i hate the fact that (some of) the year 12s think they own our school. seriously, some of them were like what are the year 11s doing in our room? uhhh hello you're taking up our room by having your IB interviews, get a fucking life. :end rant:

why must i like him :(

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


must i wake up tomorrow?..
he won't reply at the best of times,
i'd rather fall asleep at the wheel.

i think i'm losing my friends.


please don't do this to me.

lover, i dont have to love

I want a lover I don't have to love, I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk.. Where's the kid with the chemicals? I've got a hunger and I can't seem to get full, I need some meaning I can memorize.. The kind I have always seems to slip my mind.
But you, but you... You write such pretty words but life's no storybook. Love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do, I do.. Then hurt me...


i won’t forgive this world it sins, too much pain can do you in. god help me. i keep my victims on the wall; you and, your little team of winners. (god help me) helpless little girl. keep it up, keep it up, keep the pain up. i get so fussy when i’m on my own, i get so fussy when i’m in control.. fussy when i’m on my own, i get so fussy when i’m in control. i’m gunna run this river dry, you never saw me yesterday (you didn’t see me). eat my heart and let me go, eat my heart and let me stay. i’m doing alright, i’m doing alright, i’m doing alright, i’m doing alright, i’ve got enough in mind (got enough in mind), i’m doing alright, i’m doing alright. and i remember you and you and all of this and all of this. i keep it up! helpless little girl, no no no don’t seem so angry. helpless little girl, please forgive me.


i wish i could be smarter.
i had a twin. i'd rather not talk about it.
i think i've fallen for someone.

helpless little girl. keep it up, keep the pain up. i get so fussy when i’m on my own, i get so fussy when I’m in control (woah oh oh).

Monday, September 8, 2008

ordinary day

english, 9am. business, 11am. tutorial days are so ordinary. however, i got elisha to come to the city with me in search of a new school bag and.. i found one! it's kind of a weird bright green colour with charcoal grey handles. nice and clean :) oh and i added an extra touch of colour by sewing a bunch of sweet buttons on one of the pockets.

anddddddd.. elisha got a fake lipring (like sophie did on saturday night..) so err, here's the results XD

well, holidays soon. looking forward to doing many different, exciting things.

bon weekend

so, how about saturday night ey?
well, as mentioned previously, it was enjoyable.
basic words that could describe the evening briefly:
south brisbane. wrong station. romantic walk, alone. amici's is not near 'beer and noodles'. quiet markets. elisha. group. happy birthday bec. presents. too much ribbon. amici's. tom’s in west end, wtf. lemon, lime and bitters (L). margarita pizza. shared with nat. bathroom. heater. $40 cake with forks, minus plates. dig in. photographs. strutting. candy shop. happy. HAPPY. large lollypop. elisha and sophie licking the lollypop together. bathroom runaway w/ nat. lost friends. is that tom on the ferriswheel? did we walk over that bridge? run across the road. karaoke. asians singing. where are they? sophie's fake piercing kit. giggles. laughter. singing. dancing. IM JUST A KIDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. no one knows that music. laughter. photographs. elisha and nat on the table. maddie, somebody told meeeee. throw it away, forget yesterday - we'll make the great escapeeeee. more photographs. dancing on the seats. 1, 2 step. 6 minutes left. 1 minute. it’s over. clean up. down the stairs. bye maddie. texting brent. elisha and nicki run to cultural centre. standing outside qpac. james catches bus. bec and bec leave. sophie had a good night :) goodnight. walking past the gangsturss. sitting, waiting. more texts to/from brent. mum drives past. can’t meet up with brent. run across the road. car. home. done.

so hopefully that’s enough of a story to remember everything by!!

yesterday was father’s day. apparently we were meant to go to byron bay, which I was pretty excited about because I haven’t been there in a long time, and when I did go I was with a large amount of annoying family members and minus my camera. so anyway, woke up early at 7am because I forgot to make dad a card. so I cut up an old AP magazine and pasted it onto a piece of journal paper. dad was pleased with the present victoria and I got him – it was all Sydney swans stuff haha (y). anyway, we went to burleigh heads, which was cute. see, we used to go to burleigh nearly every holidays when victoria and I were little. in the iga there they have dr pepper!! sooooooooo good. although it was saddening that I didn’t have amber there to get heartburn and go hyper with. best chips from the fish hut, as always. sucks that there’s not many vegetarian places around.. victorias feet are stupid so her flip-flops were hurting her. hence why we drove like, 200 m to cold rock >< icecream – boysenberry + flake. sat in the shade with cold food, real smart. went home.

Saturday, September 6, 2008


tonight was great. i love my friends and i can not describe how amazing it feels to know that things between the group are so much better than only a few days ago. it's late so i don't have the time to write what totally happened tonight, but lets just say things are good and i can not wait for the holidays.

yours truly.

Friday, September 5, 2008


i wish i was there, bruised and in despair again you're my friend. as you're moving faster faster, slower through your veins, and again. as makeup runs down on your cheeks, you found that you are lost again. try to make your way back home, found that you're alone. stumble, trip and fall down over all the breaks you made, the ones you make. separate the tears from now all the... we will meet, you and me. as makeup runs down on your cheeks, you found that you are lost again. try to make your way back home, found that you're alone. fall down, searching for the perfect place for you to lose it all again. slow down, keep it at a steady pace as i watch you fade away. as makeup runs down on your cheeks, you found that you are lost again. try to make your way back home, found that you're alone.

*sigh i hate this empty, guilty feeling. i'm so fucking stubborn that i can't seem to make it past this barrier to have the nerve to speak up. i hate this feeling. i wish i was better at apologizing.

for my birthday, i wouldn't mind a significant other..

Thursday, September 4, 2008


mum informed me that my curly hair this evening (brought on by a lack of wanting to dry the ends of hair and the constant wet weather today) makes me look different. different as in 21 years old. i was like, sure mum. so here's a few images taken just then for record.

i really like my curly hair.

home life is getting lame. not in a 'fuck i hate home and want to move out' lame, but a depressing lame. my sister hasn't been able to swallow properly lately and so she's been having tests and such done which has kind of made my mum upset because she hates when we have problems like this because it depresses her and makes her wish that she was in our place. so tonight i've realised that i really do love my mother, and you can quote me on that in a few weeks or whenever.. but i'm just like her - we were watching an episode of ghost whisperer this evening and had a tear when the family were brought together because the possible father of this 8 year old child decided that he didn't care if he was the father anymore, his father wasnt there when he was young so why should he have to be like his father and throw away what he has with this boy and his wife.

it's late and i feel like sleeping. remember; wash, rinse, repeat.


note to self: don't burn hair. even if it looks funny when it shrivels up, it smells real bad afterwards.

today wasn't too bad. i spent the morning in bed, until about 9.45; it felt so good to sleep in on a school day. anyway, i remembered that escape the fate were meant to release an exclusive track off their upcoming record. i read a few of their new blogs which was saying that they were waiting for 50000 hits to their buzznet page before they put it up for download, so when i checked buzznet.. it was there! obviously overnight 50000 escape the fate fans had visited the etf buzznet page and had given me the easy way out to just download it.
wow, that made my day. it is such an amazing song, titled 'the flood'. i can already sing along to it, with a play count of 17 (and growing) on my itunes, i think this will be one of the most anticipated songs for a long time. so anyway, along with an amazing song.. there were a set of cute pictures to accompany it! including this one:

gosh, they're just so amazing. that put me on the biggest high for the day.

school started at midday and finished at 6.20pm (although i managed to get mum to give me permission to leave at 5pm so i could make it home before dark haha). helped serve at the barbecue at school which i got many thanks from mrs mackey for.
one more day of 'real' school lessons, aka tomorrow. a little nervous about it because in theory of knowledge i'm supposed to be the adjudicator for a debate which will go towards our final mark and being the adjudicator means that i need to see everyone else's speech.. no one has actually finished it (or, well if they have they havent sent it to me to sumarise it!).. i haven't adjudicated since like, year 7 so it should be interesting.

i must say that i'm really looking forward to saturday night; bek's birthday dinner. it's been so long since i've gone out and the fact that it's with my friends for a proper going out session is even better. apparently we're going to karaoke after too which should be fun seeing as the last time we planned karaoke was the night maddie, natalie, elisha, josh and i went to nat's house and when they were at karaoke i was at another day downs last show *tear*.

enough said. i wish i was going away these holidays.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


so i evaluated my life today, and while there are some really great things happening, the rest of it is not looking as wonderful as i wish it could be. maybe that's just me, wishing big.

my school life is great, i must say. i have some of the best friends there... i never thought something like this could happen, i mean, last year i was totally out of place, i would try to get along with the people in my grade but there always seemed to be some kind of barrier. but since the end of the last year and i've been able to call natalie, elisha and maddie my best friends and name a number of other kids my friends. it's fantastic because no matter what we do we make the most of things.

so other than school, i don't know what's going i suppose.
my family is really lame at the moment. it's like i'm just there; i'm not apart of their things, my word does not count and i have to make sure that everything is perfect to get any kind of recognition.. it's been obvious since victoria graduated last year.. it's as though my mother and father have forgotten about how she was in school. although i suppose she was supposedly some kind of golden child..

i purchased my simple plan, getaway plan and SHORT STACK (!!!!!!!!!!!!) ticket today in english class :) super super super happy about that. i cant wait. october 17 needs to come sooo much faster!

i kind of want a boyfriend. lame to want one.. but it would be nice. i'm over guys telling me i'm good looking and all this shit and now having anything out of it. but i suppose i'm picky..... ahuejahbjabnarlkag.

that's enough from me.